As in I have one. I know this about myself, and that's probably why I try to go with the flow as much as possible. If the temper burn doesn't start, then things are okay. Well, that doesn't always happen. I won't go into the gory details, but I lost my temper this weekend, and while the person on the other end of the phone call might not agree, hanging up was the best I could do, if I didn't want to make things worse. So that's what I did. And when the person called back I chose not to answer. Again, not kind, but kinder than what I might say.
I gave it a couple days and then I tried to express my frustration via email. Turns out this person and I don't seem to communicate very well. My email was taken as an attack on this person's character, which is not what I intended. I tried really, really hard to emphasize my feelings and my opinions. Making "I statements" is supposed to be a diffusion tool in communication, taking the accusation out of the exchange. Turns out that really didn't work. So here I am half a week later thinking I should have just swallowed everything and lied that my battery had died or something.
So, now I'm kind of stuck. Deep down I think this person will forgive me. But do I need forgiveness? Part of me wants to apologize, but I'm not sure exactly what I'd be apologizing for. Am I sorry I hung up? Am I sorry for expressing myself? Or am I sorry that we just can't seem to understand each other? I'm just not sure what the next step should be.
1 comment:
Relationships are hard and I find all that advice about I statements and all does not always work in the real world. I find myself keeping a lot of my feelings to myself because talking about it does not get me anywhere. It really comes down to with whom I am having the fight. My husband gets the real me, warts and all. We both use i statements and fight fair so it works. Other relationship get the best I can give. If they fight fair, we listen to each other without judgement and really hear what the other person is saying, and behavior changes then I keep working at it. If not, I start compartmentalizing. I wish everyone in the world could use I statements, really listen and fight fair but there is almost always a underlying agenda that has little to do with me and just gets me hurt.
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